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Moderator (server) Tue Dec 07 08:00:00 PM EST 2004
Our chat about Holiday Stress and Diabetes with Dr. Wendy Satin Rapaport starts at 9pm Eastern.
Our chat about Holiday Stress and Diabetes with Dr. Wendy Satin Rapaport starts in 10 min in the 'Dr. Rapaport' room.
I'm ready for the chat :-)..but will wait patiently for Dr. Rapaport.
me too. Hi again Ellen
patiently sounds good
Hi Dr. Wendy
Happy Holidays. See I am already adding the pressure about having to be happpy
Hello Shelly..you are still new at this I see
Yes we are. But this website has been very helpful.
I'm happy...you're here. Welcome Dr. Wendy. Let me introduce you since there are now some chatters with our guest.
Dr. Wendy Satin Rapaport is a psychologist specializing in patients with diabetes and has been on the faculty of the University of Miami Medical School Diabetes Research Institute for the past 25 years. Presently she has a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida, and teaches group work at the U of Maine graduate shoool of social work during the summer.She lectures and write articles on eating disorders and diabetes, humor, and talking about sex. Her book, WHEN DIABETES HITS HOME , addresses feelings and interpersonal skills in coping with life..and life with diabetes
ThaNK GOODNESS I have already misspelled a word so we can all lower our expectations
Hello Dr. Wendy
Shelly you are already following any advice I would give...get support...and a website is a great place to start..
Hi
Winters in Boca, summers in Maine: sounds like a good way to fight stress!
Hello Pet
yes, where you live sets a tone for stress..but then so does the way we internally respond
I see there is a range of ages for your children
What worries everyone most about the holidays and diabetes combined?
Dr. Wendy...my daughter was on the 2 shot a day program but was not getting very good control so we switched her to the multiple injection program. She is now taking 5-6 shots a day and not very happy with it....we are due to start the pump at the end of the month.
Hi
sometimes Pet doctors start children on multiple injections so you don't have a feeling of "failure" and needing more
for all stress you have to allow ventillation..so if its holiday blues or your daughter not likeing 5 shots (who would?)..it is good to talk abouat it and identify the problems
Hello Jane
Hi Jane, how is life in New Zealand today?
Hi Ellen..I worry because the routine is different and neither Steve nor I are as attentive to the changes.
Perhaps food is the big factor Ellen..all the exposure to "celebrations" and "pressures" on "handling it right"...increasing the control and feeling more anxious
My son never complains about the shots. But his numbers have been so erratic, we are going on the pump next week. This is definitely adding stress to the holidays!
She is looking forward to trying the pump.
The pump definitely makes things easier..most of the time.
sometimes Sue it means letting go of the high standards of outcome ..different than effort
Warm and sunny thanks - food is a big factor around Christmas - lolly scrambles, ice creams, chocolates for presents etc.
yes remember to make a new years resolution to not do anything new during holiday times..but then hyou can also frame it as a chanukah or christmas 'PRESENT" (STARTING THE PUMP)
lollyscrambles? is this something new I would have to learn how to be moderate with?
Sue, you were recently diagnosed with celiac, how do you manage holidays at friends' and family members' homes so they accomodate your needs?
It is a good idea to think "eyecontact" and intimacy rather than focussing on the food at a party..think conversation not cake or laughing not cake
of course - we have it hot - while you have it cold
But I agree with Sue - its a time to relax - sleep in - and not stick to schedules - makes it harder
We are looking forward to better control with the pump. But I hope he doesn't go overboard with teh sweets shen he's pumping.
We had a sugar free lolly scramble at our Diabetes Youth picnic last Sunday - the kids loved it
There are so many ways to ask friends to accomodate you...or not...bring your own, tell in advance,..anything to reduce your anxiety or pressure so you can enjoy the real essence of holidays...good conversation, friendship, laughter
Well...I'm planning on contributing GF foods where I go and I've found a few good mixes for sweets and I just freeze them when I bake and bring them with me. A pain. It's the first holiday with celiac so i'm sure i'll learn a lot
Jan it's true that some people go overboard with sweets with the pump but some people also feel free NOT to have to eat!!! pay attention and pick a time to "regroup" and think about if there is an overboard and how to come back to eating normally _ as a kid..not just a kid with diabetes
what part is a pain, Sue..you probably bring things to people's houses anyway..is it part of grieving and resentment of the new diagnosis
B
Friends and family have been great about asking me. If they have shrimp cocktail I'll bring a GF cocktail sauce etc. to make it easier on us both.
besides food, is there a pressure to have to be happy on the holidays
Sue it is nice that you appreciate people's efforts and good that you bring your own things so you have what you want
I think so Dr. Wendy. It's the planning part of having what I need and not being able to grab familiar, easy things or enjoying the special treats of the season. I seldom get down about it though because I feel like a new person.
My kids don't feel THAT pressure ;-)...so why do adults?
What about financial stress on the holidays
Hi, everyone!
which pressure do you mean Ellen
I have a neighborhood cookie exchang this weekend. The will be getting 1/2 cookies that are my non-diabetic daughter's favorite, and 1/2 that are a diabetic chocolate chip recipe. I cna't fill the house with cookie aroma and not have something for James. The cookie recipe doesn't seem very different - but you know the carb count.
I guess it's a lot about our own expectations for the holidays?
I can't even go there yet. I save that stress for January
Sue you are looking at what the diagnosis did for you? feeling better? figuring out how to have gratitute
Positive reframing?
Jan....there is a site that helps you figure out the carbs for the cookies based on recipe
hello denise! yes it's about our expectations and how they fit in with the rest of the family...balancing
Jan , are you sure you need to have separate cookies? can portion control and matching insulin be what you do?
portion control is something that all people need..planfulness with exercise..and that's for people without diabetes
The pressure to feel happy, or good about oneself and not be judged by the relatives...We're past this now in our family, but it used to be that family members would want to know if Zack checked his blood sugar or took enough insulin for ALL THAT FOOD he's eating.....
positive reframing...yes denise..looking at a situation a new way, emphasizing the positive of it
We never use any "diabetic" recipes...we take insulin for the carbs consumed and correct a couple of hours after estimating if we need to do so.
Wendy, for any recipe? That might make this simpler for me, only making one type of cookie? Although I need to bring 5 dozen cookies to this thing, so it doesn't matter that much if I make two different kinds. I need 2 bathes anyway...I want to make both kids happy. It's just time consuming.
yes Ellen...glad you got past it..tho its ugly head often reappears...good to have a sense of humor..like saying "you're Fired" from the food police...hey keep up with the modern science...people with diabetes can eat as much or more than you..by the way you should keep your eyes on your own plate..uh oh my humor has gone to hostility
That's what we do too Ellen and I agree about how people react to Steve's eating.He's great at handling things and it makes him nuts when people question him all the time.
positive reframing is taking the judgment of relatives and say I am glad you are caring..here's a way that would be helpful caring
"Can he eat that" or I saw him eating this and I wanted to let you know" or "I saw him trying to eat this and I told him no". Poor Steve!
Jan...for any recipe you have....trying to remember where it was.....one sec...let me check..if you know how many cookies came out of it...or could just use calorieking.com. they give pretty good estimations..
I think you can also print out "card" to be handed out..funny cards..that when someone asks you why you are eating so much..and hand it to them..they can say "Why do you know the cook?"
What if the relatives are the ones feeling judged by what THEY are serving?
Jan, do the "diabetic" cookies really have significantly less carbohydrates in them? Are the ingredients themselves more nutritious than regular cookies?
I HATE the food police...so to annoy them just eat more of the stuff they say i shouldn't have...
Sue, uyou really need to say "I know you mean well. you just happen to be wrong." or at least think the second sentence
Nice point Denise! touche
Wendy..learn to annoy them differently...when you eat more to get them back..you hurt yourself too because you are not eating out of pleasure but revenge..notto mention that you didn't enjoy it..so "get them back" with words or humor
Thank you, Ellen!
you are right denise..there are a lot of directions the judgment goes..but if you know that people are bothered, discuss it in advance
Ellen, I am not sure about that. But I don't have a clue what the carb count would be for regular toll house, for example. Did someone say there's a web site for that?
Ellen, I think the only items that really have fewer carbs are those made with Splenda.
don't worry i have little..under my breath comments i say....
Hi Brenda. Dr. Wendy, Brenda and her husband created this website.
If you are the person with diabetes and serve cake and eat it..you have to be honest with yourself too over why..proving what to yourself or your company?
We are having a holiday get together here next weekend and most of the guests will have diabetes or be the parent of someone with diabetes.
Brenda thank you on behalf of all the people I know who so appreciate this support system
Gluten has been proven to stick inside anyone's GI tract. Best to avoid it, anyway...
Personally I only serve veggies and fruit for my parties. Maybe that's why I don't have any friends. I don't serve things that cause me stress and when I do..it all goes home with others
Some diabetic recipes do have healthier ingredients such as wheat flour or oat bran. I have a banana muffine recipe I like to use with oat bran & orange juice is also in them - I also enjoy the flavor of them & so do the kids apparently.
I have a pump support group and I never serve food..and I don't think people miss it because we are involved in conversation
www.calorieking will give you an average for all the brand of cookies Jan....hey..i like veggies and fruit...
Satisfy your needs as a hostess...and then you will try to have to make them have fun without eating
thanks, Wendy.
I like to plan games in my parties... food is the "extra"...
Most people bring stuff to parties - there's usually way too much food.
also serve small serving sizes if you make muffins so people have an opportunity to have portion control..that sounds like a harsh term?? but it is so freeing
You can ask people to bring only healthy things...let them compete to bring the best healtiest
I hope you have a chocolate fountain in your house to drizzle over that fruit Dr. Wendy
Stress..Steve can't find a AAA for his pump. BBL hopefully
Jan.we have the "holday party" at our house.....to darn crowded and noisy for me..but that's what my room is for...nice and quiet...
Hello!
Good idea - i have the mini size pampered chef tin that I've never used!
even at office parties..you can peer pressure people to go healthy..everyone struggles and moans with the pressure
ut oh Sue...um..find a remote control and remove the battery...
Oooh, Ellen, I've seen those fountains on t.v. Looks interesting and delicious.
Sue of course he should have told you earlier...hahahahah..or you planned ahead..normal normal normal..keep the sense of hmor
Last year our office received so many packages of junk food, that we were all craving fresh fruit and wishing we got some of that from Harry and David. I went to the local orange grove and brought in some fresh OJ and some fruit.
Hello Leann who has her hands full
how do i deal with time management when we have christmas at 2:00 and they cant eat until 5:00 but cry for the food??
yes Ellen I only send oranges for gifts
what are some good free carbs i could bring to the party??
Well, I'm planning on fruits and veggies, cheese, meat, and sweets that are not so healthy. We will all then take turns on our treadmill.
Leann you can change the time of Christmas..or let them know you will arrive later or plan a walk for distraction..and why can't they eat?
Leann, now that they are on Lantus, they shouldn't have the same meal schedule that they had before. ALWAYS ask your doctor for advice days ahead when you know that schedules will change.
Leann..with the twins being on lantus should be able to feed them earlier...
I think it is a great idea to have everyone to take turns on the treadmill or put an aerobics tape in and make everyone do it or just dance for 20 minutes..no partners needed
Yeah!! That's where we found one Wendy. I buy them all the time. I think he's using them in game boys etc.
the biggest problem will prob be when they will get their NAP!!!
Sue, someone on IP said their child was burning through pump batteries...turns out the kid was using the light on the pump to read at night under the covers.
I will NOT put on that old Jane Fonda aerobics tape I found last Spring. Wow, did "we" look strange in the 80s!
endo said should stay on same schedule but dont really have to but i don't want them off track too bad
can you imagine a child "sneaking" reading
Sony PlayStation2 has Dance Dance Revolution...great exercise if you can keep up.
Ellen -
Homework calls..nice to see everyone
Can you tell more about this dance game, Ellen?
Beware of people who tell you that you SHOULD stay on schedule..remind the human situation..and say what you are going to do and how best to deal with it..need flexibility and resiliency
I'm a big fan of Denise Autstin on Lifetime TV & tape her show every day. Prolbem is I don't do the exercise every day!
Brenda, if you prefer, I can send you an old Cher aerobics video
Take care sue
Jan what stops you from doing the exercise everyday? It is your time
Take care wendy..nice name
Ellen I want first dibs on the cher video
what about romance o the holidays
Judith are you by chance still lurking here....need your expertise in parents...
this isn't about the holidays but i check the boys at bedtime and i always check them around 10pm to make sure they wont' go low b4 3am.. tell me how i can ease my mind that they will be ok.. b4 snack 2 nite they were 215 and 205. they had 8 oz milk, 2 pb cookies, & a couple pieces of bacon ( i know sounds gross but they like it)
Is romance or intimacy with your partner a stress or a release
Leann, my healthcare people always said that you cannot deprive yourself too much. At special times and vacations for example. Otherwise, they can just get fed up with the regime!
for me a stress!!!
Denise, it's not ballroom dancing.
You have a pad that lights up and you have to follow the moves on the game....I'm not endorsing this website...just looking for a site that shows what you can purchase
http://www.hartsunlimited.com/dancepads.html
Wendy, I'll dust it off and present it to you at the next food free pump support group.
Oh my God Ellen..I bet he's doing that! I always catch him with his bedside light on when he's suppossed to be sleeping. That's his plan B! I couldn't believe there wasn't a single battery in the house with the frequency I buy them.
What stops me from doing the shows I tape. Well, I used to do them regularly, but have starting walking for exercise with a neighbor. I think I would do more exercise if I was online less actually.
I was hopeful for ballroom dancing, but I'll check this site anyway. Thanks!!
Sue we wpend so much time trying to get our children to read!!
Sue, I guess Steve's getting a gift wrapped box of batteries :-). You may want to buy him a rechargable flashlight.
share the responsibilities of nighttime checking?
Right now, our darling son, 10, is causing me MAJOR stress. He has this weekly journal entry to do for school--3 or 4 paragraphs. He's part way through the second and it's almost 10 p.m.
I think ellen's idea is great Sue..it makes a point and brings humor..which lessens the anger
no it's always me checking he checks at 6am which we should not check but we do...
Jan reward yourself with online after 15 minutes of exercise
We do share the night time checks. I have more trouble with it than my husband. He can go right back to sleep, but I have trouble falling back to sleep.
I haven't slept properly in 16 years...since Zack's diagnosis. I don't think I know how to sleep through the night.
Great idea and being here helped me with that unexpected stress..TY
Dr. Wendy, I really should excercise first. But I have gotten into the habit of reading the NYTimes on line first thing in the am.
Brenda how can you look at this situation to reduce your stress for now...imagine a conversation
I have found that waling on my treadmill, while talking with a friend is motivating. Just an idea...
Marissa attended her first "office" party on Sat. She actually works at a floral shop. She said she grazed on all kinds of stuff, but bolused often. She was 354 at 9 p.m. and 327 at 10 p.m. At 17, it's very hard to get her to do things, but we're hoping she learned from her experience and achieves lower BGs at her next holiday event.
not me i fall to sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.. my hubby works and i dont so i check
Me too Ellen..folks forget that and think things go back to normal after a time.
hello?
keep the pleasure Jan of reading but do it wearing your sneakers and reward it with an immediate jump into exercise
im 13
ok then by
no its' never normal! in the past 2 days since the boys started lantus i think i have only slept a total of 5-6 hrs...
Yes Brenda it's just one day..and she put effort in..we have to reward effort not just outcome
I have been sleeping through those middle of the night alarms for the past month, but that doesn't mean I am sleeping well. I often wake up 3 times before I need to check and 1 to 2 hours after the alarm went off. I can't imagine just rolling over and shutting it off; it's slightly beyond my normal reach!
Dr. Wendy - Not holiday specific, but a big issue: Those of us who have family members with diabetes are very aware that blood sugar excursions cause changes in behavior and attitude. Yet those with diabetes are usually (quite naturally) annoyed if they are asked about numbers when behavior is difficult. How do you suggest approaching that?
Brenda, did she have to change the site to get those bgs back to target?
Marissa wants to live in the dorms at college next year. We need a separate chat on parental anxiety.
you have to create a new normalcy..but that has to include sleep..youarenot a better parent if you don't sleep..and keep the transition of not sleeping leann for a short period and otherwise get some help..you have to be healty to help your family
I have a son with d. at college. Not easy!
Judith I think you approach honestly..and at a time when it is not an issue..have a conversation about how to handle it in the future..and when the time comes...be hardy and empathyic that you know the person hates it..but start with acknowledging the mood and wonder if he wants to talk about why? when you have some rapport, then you can go to testing blood..
It was rough when my son first went on Lantus. It took us a month to get it right. Felt like I had a newborn again. But other than that I've been sleeping OK (aprt from the first shock of diagnois) Next week we start the pump & will have to do nightime checks again for awhile. More holiday stress!
My son with d moved out this summer. He's living in a house about 15 miles from here, with a friend. The friend doesn't really know anything about diabetes, but did see Dave have an unconscious low about a year ago.
Denise I think when your child is away you still have to have discussions.. or send notes
Ellen, I don't recall. I think she did a pen shot or two. Last night was similar. She forgot to bolus for hot chocoalte while at work (3-6 p.m.) and was 320ish at 6. She and 3 friends (here to work on a school physics report) had Chinese so I was expecting highs all night. I also make some cookies and she ate two. At 7:45ish she did a pen shot and a basal increase for two hours (on her own, w/o me asking). Surprisingly, after lo mein (spelling poss. wrong) and whatever, plus two cookies, she was 97 at 11 p.m.
Has your son done well in college and on his own Denise?
Judith the friend would probably really like to go to a doctors appointment with your son..he must be anxious or overprotective or distant (some choice that doesn't feel good)
This is also somewhat removed from a Holiday specific topic, but?For final exams (which are often held pre-Christmas etc) and exams in general what do you suggest for ppl who find their blood sugars are quite labile and severally effected by stress.
Not likely to go to a doc's appt: nearly 3 hrs away, and the other kid works nights.
Brenda ists probably important to ask what "forgot" means..allow that it is shy to do something in front of people..and then it is a new problem to solve (assertiveness, humor)
I have briefly talked to him, and would certainly be willing to do more, but also don't want to alienate Dave - who is still trying to pretend that he can mostly ignore diabetes.
Yes, my son is doing well. It seems that they get more "self-conscious" and alert, after they leave parental control.
Bethany I recommend exercise for labile blood sugars...and especially before exams...clears the head, helps you focus, reduces stress..more normal blood sugars help you concentrate
labile = high?
Judith I like how you talk about it..not wanting to alientate Dave..it shows empathy for him..and maybe that is a conversation that you can have.."getting permission" to talk to his friend for YOUR need
Well I am usually above 16 so I was told it's not safe to exercise
Dr. Wendy, Marissa is not shy about her diabetes at all. Two years ago we were at Sea World and she took off her pump to swim. When she needed insulin, she just lifted up the bottom of her bikini bottom, reconnected and bolused, pretty much were anyone could she. She may have been busy at work and didn't think about it.
labile Trish means up and down..that doen't mean you will ever have to know what it means
I would suggest ingesting some protein before any carbs, on test days. Our brains get more sharp with this approach. (Have tried and it works!)
We just have a few more minutes with Dr. Wendy so she'll try to answer some of the questions asked. Everyone else is welcome to stay in the chat room and continue chatting about this and other topics of course.
Dr. Wendy, would you like to give us some last minute additional words of wisdom? We so appreciate you taking the time to chat with us tonight.
Labile means erratic, or brittle (but that?s a dirty word )
Well Marissa sounds very hardy..and remember forgetrting is fine...but sometimes kids change over time..their needs are different..work is different..how they want to be seen...it may very well be forgetting..no sin in that!
Good idea, Dr. Wendy. Maybe I'll have that conversation soon, while he's trying to be "good" so I'll buy him another car!
My advice is to keep talking to those around you..plan ahead for things that make you comfortable..plan exercise.extra exercise for the holidays..make time for yourself..even if it feels selfish..and remember love and friendship is so much better than food
yes use what ever "power" you have (a car, driving, computer time, etc.)
and reframe romance not as a burden but as a pleasure..and make it happen for you the way you need
Thanks for being available for the chat, Dr. Wendy.
Thanks Ellen for inviting me..I am happy to be here and see how smart you all are and what nice support you give each other. My last thought for tonite is to let go of perfection..keep rewards in your life...I a m happy to come back any time..I will work on my typing
Thanks, Dr. Wendy Happy holidays to you.
It's been WONDERFUL having you as a guest tonight. We hope you'll join us again.
Thank you, Dr.Wendy!
One suggestion: Dr. Wendy, how about opening B&Bs in Boca and Maine? We could come de-stress and benefit from your wise counsel.
Judith, Marissa knows a boy in Maine whose mom and stepdad run a B&B in Maine. The boy has diabetes. Maybe we can go and have Dr. Wendy be the "guest speaker."
Cool, Brenda!
My daughter's in-laws owned a gorgeous island off the coast of Maine; that's where she had her wedding. But alas! They've sold it!
Well, Marissa's been asking to go visit Harry for two years or so. I guess I didn't realize Dr. Wendy was in Maine, too.
Only in summers, I think.
Dr. Wendy's pump support group meeting in Boca Raton is this Thursday night at 7....you can all fly in :-)
Oh well: back to work. Thanks again for all you do..... Bye
Don't think I'd want to go there any other time. Sorry, apologies to all those who live in Maine.
Oh - staying at your house, ELlen???
Yes, she stays 6 months in Boca and 6 months in Maine.
If you don't mind sleeping on the tile floor and sharing a bathroom with Zack
I think I'll still be struggling with Timothy's homework. He has parts 2 and 3 of a major project due and he hasn't even started. Kids are driving me nuts, him especially. I really need a vacation. Kathryn agreed when I told her to put somehing in the microwave when I really meant the recycling bin.
Have a good evening all.
Hmm. How about if I sleep in my van in your driveway?
btw, I'm exercising as we chat - pedaling on this little thing I bought at Brands Mart http://www.stacksandstacks.com/image/105536.jpg
Really going.....
Bye again (and I mean it this time
Good luck with Tim tonight Brenda....!
Does this pedaling thing really work, Ellen?
You're welcome anytime Judith....our driveway can accomodate the van!
I have to go, too. Nice chatting here!
Let me know how I look at the meeting on Thursday DeniseI owe it all to the little contraption. HAHAHA
I'll buy two of them, then... It must work better than one!
Chag sameach (happy holiday) - Happy Hanukah to all those who are celebrating.
Yes, I'll bring you a mirror on Thursday, but you may only see your nose in such a small mirror!
Chag Sameach to all, too!
I really need to get going...
Bye! This is my last word here, unfortunately!
Hi everyone
My son was recently diagnosed with gastroparesis and I wanted to get an idea how to handle all that holiday food with him.
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Last Updated: Sunday December 12, 2004 12:07:10
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